Success is fine. It's even nice sometimes. We are not opposed to it. Let's get that out of the way up front, like a polite nod to an acquaintance before diving into a conversation about something far more interesting.

The Democratic Nature of Face-Plants

Write your novel. Win your medal. Build your empire. However, keep in mind that a single mistake could lead to failure, just like the rest of us. Success is selective, discriminating, often arbitrary. But failure? Failure is the great equalizer.

Because failure is the one thing we all experience. It's one of the last truly affordable luxuries—something the mega-rich, the ultra-poor, and the existentially confused can all enjoy equally. In a world where even basic necessities are becoming premium features, failure remains stubbornly accessible to everyone.

The Three Schools of Failure Management

The Bitter Conspiracists

Some people, upon failing, become bitter, sneering at the world as if their downfall was part of some grand conspiracy. They construct elaborate theories about how the universe, their colleagues, and possibly their neighbor's cat all collaborated to ensure their downfall. They turn failure into a prose poem of persecution, missing the point entirely.

The Strategic Rebranders

Some individuals, when faced with failure, attempt to convince others that their fall from a curb onto their face was a strategic maneuver. "I meant to do that," they say, spitting out teeth and pride in equal measure. They're the ones who will tell you their bankruptcy was actually a "wealth redistribution strategy" or their spectacular public meltdown was "performance art."

The Transcendent Lunatics

Then there are those who experience failure so intensely that it reverberates back into style—they rise, gather themselves, and emit a deranged laugh that unsettles even the emptiness. They've found the secret: when you hit rock bottom, you might as well test its acoustics.

That's us.

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Just try not to slip on all the style we've left on the floor.

Though if you do, make it look intentional. We're always looking for new choreography.