By Pope Robert, Envoy of the Four Winds, Human Apostate, Protector of the SW Territories, 2nd Mountain to the Right, Welcomer of Dawn

The Great Leader of the country met with his Finance Minister to address a growing crisis: the nation’s finances were in disarray, and some debts would remain unpaid. The Finance Minister struggled to explain why government spending exceeded revenue from taxes. Seeking a solution, the Great Leader turned to the wealthiest man he knew, assuming that someone who had mastered wealth accumulation could resolve the country’s economic woes.

Yet, while the rich man himself was prosperous, those who worked for him were not. Many of his employees found themselves in debt, unable to sustain themselves. The burden of their struggles fell upon the country’s social programs: food for the hungry, orphanages for the children left behind when workers perished in unsafe conditions, and care for those who were permanently disabled. These programs sought to address the consequences of the rich man’s business practices, but they were costly.

Moral:

When cruelty is called efficiency and greed is called wisdom, suffering isn’t eliminated—it’s just monetized.

So, if you’re tired of watching history run the same stupid script on repeat…Maybe it’s time to write a new one.

Determined to restore financial balance, the Great Leader granted the rich man absolute authority to implement a solution, appointing him as the Great Advisor. The Great Advisor worked closely with the Minister of Labor, promising to eliminate the financial burden of social programs.

Hope spread across the nation. If poverty, workplace fatalities, and injuries were within the Great Advisor’s control, surely he would address them. Perhaps he would raise wages so people could afford food or improve workplace safety to prevent injuries. The cost of such reforms would be negligible to the rich man, yet they could balance the budget and improve the happiness of the citizens.

Instead, the Minister of Labor announced a new policy: workers could no longer leave their jobs with the rich man. Training new employees was deemed too costly, and reducing turnover would increase profits. The people clung to optimism—perhaps these profits would fund wage increases and safety improvements.

Then came another announcement. The Great Advisor proclaimed that orphanages would no longer receive government funding. The abandoned children were left to wander the streets, searching for scraps, told to lift themselves up by their bootstraps.

Soon after, a harsher policy was introduced: workers who failed to meet production quotas or spoke ill of the rich man would be whipped. Again, people rationalized—perhaps this was merely a harsh means to an ultimately justifiable end: improving profits to fund wage increases and safer working conditions.

Finally, the Great Advisor addressed the disabled. Since they could no longer work for their sustenance, they were declared burdens on society and cast out to fend for themselves, left to wander the country in search of food and shelter.

Having successfully eradicated the cost of social programs, the Great Advisor congratulated himself and informed the Great Leader that he was owed a debt of gratitude. But his work was not finished. With the streets now teeming with starving orphans and disabled individuals, he declared wandering in search of food illegal. He constructed a prison to house the vagrants and charged the government for their upkeep.

The cost of maintaining these prisoners soon exceeded the expense of the original social programs. But that, the Great Advisor assured them, was a budget problem for next year.